I wonder about this gap between us. I can't tell if it's growing or shrinking anymore. It's scaring me and I'm afraid to admit my fears, it's too scary, it's too surreal. I want to go back in time, I want to go back to the golden days. Make time stop. I don't want to grow up. I don't want to lose any more loved ones. I don't want any more tears, no more fears or hate. I can't stand it. There's so much space but I feel so claustrophobic, it's closing around me. Stop ruining my innocence, stop staining my views. I am not a child, not a stranger, not an enemy, so don't keep me out. I wonder when we started to build walls around each other, when we started to wear masks. I don't feel safe anymore. Don't speak codes to me, don't push me out. I am no different from you, not by looks, culture or anything else. I know it's selfish to ask, I know I am childish but trust me when I say I want to help, I tried my best and I want to understand. I really want to understand, learn more about you. Talk to me and I will listen, but please I don't want to hear any more teasing insults, they cut deeper than you think. Don't try me like a naive child in topics we have different views but don't you dare insult my friends because you can't stand homosexual relationships. You don't have to say you like them, you don't even have to hide that grimace when this topic is mentioned but if you make jokes about my friends, or even dare call them freaks, I will not show mercy. Just because I don't understand some of your slang, jokes and ideas does not mean I don't understand the insults you throw out, the threats you make and the hurtful things you say whether it's in your dialect or in the common language. I don't care if you say that they are freaks, that they don't belong and deserve to die, to perish, but I will not have you stain my views. I will not admit I am wrong. I will not submit to your views because you believe them to be true.
I wonder if this view will end our friendship. Will you turn the other five against me and try to change my views? Or rather treat me as child that understands nothing? I wonder if you know that I can understand the gist of your dialect, I know you switch to it to keep the little "child" out of "adult" conversations, I don't like this wall between us. Treat me as an equal not a slave, not a child. I am the same as you. I have the same troubles with you, I am also homesick! Unlike you I can't call my friends like you can. I can't always visit them on common holidays or long weekends like you can. I am not stupid because I can't always understand the written  instructions or fail my tests because of the language barrier. You speak like I have the greatest time here, that I was admitted easily and that I am treated better than you. Teachers look upon me, fail me because I am a foreigner, fellow students and teachers treat me as though I am a mere child that needs to be scolded and supervised at all times. I have no choices in classes, I need higher points to graduate, stricter rules to follow, the expectations for us are higher than yours. Tell me is it as nice as it seems? People treat you nicely because they think that they can trick you into helping them for free, doing their homework because you are that stupid and naive. Then, they find out you aren't willing, sweet smiles become indifferent glances, one day friends, next day nothing more than a fellow student. Teachers use you as an example of being a failure, turn you into a laughing stock of the class. I had spent my entire senior year and summer studying to get admitted among the other students. Do not judge me if you did not try to know me before hand. I will not let you push me around anymore. I refuse to and I am tired of it, weary of it.
I wonder how will you react?